The other day by a twist of fate I had an Aha moment that would make even Oprah proud. Typically I have so much going on and am moving in so many different directions, that I never have any down time. You think I'm exaggerating, but seriously right now as I type this I'm catching up on Tivo'd shows, helping Numero Uno draw a Pokemon picture (and asking him to stop clearing his throat every 15 seconds -- seriously, WTH is that all about???), and trying to convince Middle Man that it's too cold outside to simply sleep in your skivvies. I'm the queen of multitasking.
The sad thing is that this queen is epic failing at all of those things that she's multitasking. The boys definitely don't get the amount of attention from me that they deserve (but seriously, show me a mom who feels like she's always doing that well, and I'll show you another queen -- the queen of denial!). On top of that I feel like I'm just barely skimming by at work and don't get the time to put in to the major project I need to work on or the other really interesting project that I think could be absolutely fascinating. I don't have the time, energy or resources to be able to volunteer in the kids' classrooms. And the house? Let's just say if it wasn't for Blanca the Amazing House Cleaner, we'd be living in the House of Filth. I'm doing just doing enough to get by with everything. And I'm barely getting by.
I'd say that so far this blog post is a perfect example. I started out getting ready to talk about my Aha moment, and ended up talking about what a mommy failure I am. Hmmmmm. Anyway, Aha came when I was forced to just sit in the car with Baby Pooper while the big 'uns were in church class. Baby had not slept well the night before and his nap schedule was all wonky. I had tossed a magazine into the car and figured if anything I'd just finally catch up on the 75 magazines I have staring at me on a daily basis begging me to find out what the Spring fashions were. Spring of 2009, that is.
So there I sat. Just sat in the car and read a magazine for 30 whole blissful minutes. And at the end I realized that some of the tension in my shoulders was gone, and I could breathe just a smidge deeper. That's when I figured out that this tiny half hour of time was the first time in as long as I can remember that I was doing NOTHING. Not multi-tasking or running around or basically being my freaky self. I just sat and was me for a bit. And it felt AMAZING. It was something I swore to remember. Something I knew I could do for myself to make myself just a little less crazy, make myself a better mother, a better wife, and a better person.
The next morning I so easily almost slipped right back into my old routine. I really wanted to go to Power Yoga at the gym, but had a list of about 15,000 things to do that day. Going to the gym would suck up at least an hour and a half of my very precious day. I simply couldn't allow that, could I? Then I stopped and remembered my recent epiphany. And although Power Yoga kicked my tail and made me sore for days, at the end I felt like I had gotten a really good massage and had taken an amazing opportunity to just BE. Even if just for an hour.
I'm not perfect. In fact, at least one week out of the month I'm the farthest thing from it. Just ask the poor testosterone-filled humans that have so share space with me during that time. But perhaps I can try to recall this little lesson every know and then and make myself at least a tiny bit calmer, happier and less-harried just by stopping and being. Even if it's just for an hour at the gym, 30 minutes in the car, or just 5 minutes while I'm nursing my last little baby (who I may decide to nurse until his 30s, just because I'm already dreading that final moment with the final baby. BOO HOO!). After all, these moments are fleeting, and I don't want to multi-task my way through it in such a way that I miss all of the fun!
